katiemae_days

randomness in my mind's eye........

A fall afternoon spent in the glorious sun. Kids playing, making art. Me, feeling inspired. Cooking. Designing. Feeling more grounded as I move through my daily list of to dos and don'ts. Clearing clutter. Working my vision little by little. Feeling the earth below as I walk my path.

And contemplating: 100 Things I Fear

freewriting randomness

Well, not being twenty something anymore or for that matter thirty something, sleep is among my list of essentials for feeling energized and well being able to think. This week, I experienced not one but two nights of insomnia. Oh, I'm not gonna whine and go on about lack of sleep but man I will say  I was toast and not crisp perfectly toasted toast either more like a piece of toast that fell in the sink and got wet.  I've been able to function fairly well actually, but thinking, coming up with any sort of rational answer or finishing a thought yeah perhaps there I could do better. So here's to trying to write.

Day one after little sleep went pretty darn well. I took my girl to swim lessons which by the way rock. More on those soon. We then came home to meet our good friends who were coming to spend the day. The girls played and us mamas talked and talked all afternoon. That night, my friend over at "Sweating the Small Stuff" and I went to see Julie and Julia. I'm reading the book too. Usually, I'd not read the book and see the movie at the same time but I expected to have finished the book by now. Trouble is, I put it down somewhere and can't find it. Must have been sleep deprived then too. The movie was sweet and light and perfect for a 'girls' night at the movies.

The funny thing about all of this insomnia..I found out I am not alone in my awakened in the middle of the night blues. I've talked to four or five women who are experiencing the same. Hormones raging? What the heck is going on? 

At 5:45 am Tuesday morning, after my second night of little sleep, I went to core boot camp at the park. Glad I did. Got my bootay kicked with about 1000 lunges in every different variation one could imagine. Somehow, the sleep deprivation had not yet kicked in fully and I could lunge and push-up right along side my boot-camp peers. My  friend in class who was also not sleeping this week recommended Melatonin, a somewhat natural wonder helpful for calming one's mind before bed and allowing deep sleep to set in. Sounded good to me.

Part of the problem I recognize.. each night when I've hit the sheets, my mind has been anything but quiet. There I was rolling from one side to the other all the while analyzing web code in my head. CSS2 to be exact. Configuring layouts in my mind. What has happened to me! I guess bedtime has become my time to create. I dream of my future portfolio, the colors, the type, the layout...ooh stop me now before I get too racy.

Seriously, though it was hours before I fell asleep and when I finally did enter the land of nod at I'm guessing 1am, my husband woke me up on climbing into bed at three. Yep, he's a night owl and was for hours prior in his office recycling papers and organizing. Let me please, not touch that with a ten-foot pole. Suffice it to say, the man is a collector. And a good one at that. Anyway, I woke up when he got in bed and fell asleep subsequently snoring in a matter of 3 seconds and me well I could not fall back asleep.

Finally, Tuesday night I fell asleep at 9:45pm and slept all through the night. No melatonin just me being bone tired forced me into slumber. I couldn't think straight anyway, so my mind was definitely quiet. Yesterday, after my restful night's sleep I swear I was more tired then any of the previous days. I think the sleep deprivation set in. Still, we had a good day. I rallied what energy I had and powered through. By 8:30pm, I was fast asleep and again slept through the night.

I think I know what my insomnia is about besides some drive to code web pages in my head. I am choosing this time to work out any kinks or pondering our job situations, plans for growing my work-life, my little one entering a new school. Truth is, I feel positive and good about all of these changes but somehow whatever natural questions and what ifs come to mind I carry with me toward insomnia. Time to get off that train headed for mind-numbing exhaustion.

I've not yet hit the bottle of melatonin but its there when I need a little calming potion for any leftover kinks from the day that might pull me away from slumber.

For now, back to regularly scheduled sleep and sweet dreamin. Sweet dreams to you too.

back before berry season ends....

I'm back, my computer is back and I've a few moments to write. I'm sitting in my office in close proximity to a fan. Yes its hot here, mighty hot. Reminds me of summers on the east coast when the temperatures climb high and the air well it feels like it stops moving altogether. But this warmth brings on fun in the form of swimming in one of our nearby lakes or stopping off at one of our spray parks or dangling our feet in our very own kiddie pool. We bought one this year and with the weather as hot as its been this week, I'm glad. The plastic, rainbow colored kiddie sized pool has made for great playdates and good adult cooling off too. I'll have to take a picture later.

Last night, we had a friend over to dinner, my favorite Sushi. After we ate, we set up our camp chairs around the pool and dangled our feet and talked. Loveliness. The air cooled down and so did we. Then we stepped back inside and on upstairs to get ready for bed and oh my did this old house feel like a sauna. Even the floor felt  warm. So my girl and I jumped in a cool shower before bed to try and cool off for the night.  We cranked the fan once again and at least got the summer air moving a bit more.

To recap the last three weeks without a computer: healthy. I noticed really how much time i spend in the evening on this thing. Working on photos, trying to write, catching up with friends on Facebook...admittedly a time suck that enjoy.  While, I do believe i need a computer to do all of the above and more like take an online class(I'll get to that story another time), and build websites  once in awhile, I think it was good to have this reprieve if for nothing else to take stock. I missed writing  the blog. I noticed that I would have stories to write or snippets from the day to share and then with no computer right there, the impulse to say what I wanted faded away. Now, I feel a wee bit rusty but that's just fine.  I'm glad though to have the space and tools again to get back to this blog and keep at this writing which has become a journey for me, a meandering one in which I am trying to let go of any self-judging and fears and just keep on.

So since I resolved long ago that I am going to have a computer in my life, I was looking at buying something new and last I left off on this blog it was going to be a Mac. Turns out, I didn't need to buy a new computer and I'm thrilled. On advice of a friend, I called a local computer repair guy who I think is super talented and honest and incredibly fairly priced and let him at my computer. He put in a new hard-drive in my existing machine because he said what I have though seven years old is solid, fixed a few other things up, made it so my laptop is now wireless and all for a whole lot less then me buying something new.  How refreshing is that? And in these days of recreating some fashion of a career, not spending a lot of money is a very good thing. And now what play money I have saved can go to my DSLR camera fund.

In the meantime, I found a super pocket-size automatic camera for ever  day picture taking at somewhat of a deal and I have to say its been fun to carry something in my pocket for capturing the days of Summer which are ahem flying fast. Be here now I know. Be here now. My mantra. The free-wheelin, flowing, unstructured time of this season is what I love.

I'll find my rhythm for writing again and taking pictures. Not having my computer for awhile changed  that. For now, I'm soon to get outside and check on our tomatoes and cucumbers just beginning to sprout, the zucchini that seemed to double in size in a day and our lettuces and kale. Then, maybe a little dip up to my ankles in the pool.

Here's to your Summer Days....

friday's post, part two

I can't let this days posts pass without expressing sadness for Michael Jackson's and Farrah Fawcett's passing. On the same day. So strange it seems. Michael was a music icon. Though I have no idea where my Thriller tape is anymore, I remember watching the "Jackson 5" as a kid and dancing many a party away to "ABC" and "Beat it" and "Billie Jean" and so much more. And Farrah, the "it" girl when I was a kid. Longing for feathered hair at twelve even though I knew with my curls blond feathers were not part of my destiny. She fought a long, courageous fight never giving up it seems. Peace to both of these legends.
Here's one of my all-time favorite Jackson Songs:

To see the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrPTDU40hO4

perspective....

per-spec-tive...a word I've been thinking about of late. And clearly there are many definitions. Perspective is a word I rather like perhaps because there are so many meanings and because i like what it means.

I went ahead and looked up the definition in order to broaden what I think I know---you know increase my own "perspective" on Perspective! Since I cannot find at the time of writing this post my dictionary in book form, I went online.  Certainly, there are many online dictionary sites but to keep with the old tried and true, I went to  "Merriam-Webster" for a full-length definition.

    1 a: the technique or process of representing on a plane or curved surface the spatial relation     of objects as they might appear to the eye ; specifically : representation in a drawing or             painting of parallel lines as converging in order to give the illusion of depth and distance b: a         picture in perspective
    2 a: the interrelation in which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed <places the issues in           proper perspective> ;
      also : point of view b: the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative            
      importance <urge you to maintain your perspective and to view your own task in a larger    
      framework — W. J. Cohen>
    3 a: a visible scene ; especially : one giving     a distinctive impression
      of distance : vista b: a mental view or prospect <gain a broader perspective on the
      situation>
    4: the appearance to the eye of objects in respect to their relative distance and                       positions

and as adjective:

    1 obsolete : aiding the vision <his eyes should be like unto the wrong end of a perspective glass     — Alexander Pope>2: of, relating to, employing, or seen in perspective <perspective drawing>

So where is this going, this bit about perspective? Well, I took myself through a little exercise for the purpose of stretching my brain a wee bit. I thought about perspective in relation to March and the coming of Spring. 

My perspective: March winds usher in Spring which by the calendar date should appear around the 3rd week of this lovely month. March is the month I celebrate being born. March marks Springtime, to me. And Spring is, a time of new growth, rebirth. In nature, Spring reveals herself in new blooms and buds. The crocus and baby daffodils among other sweet flowers push their way up through ground with strength and grace up and slooowly wake up, open themselves to the bright sun and sky.  And this pre-Spring, early March, snow comes. Winter dances just one more time(maybe) dusting us with snow and blowing in some darn cold temperatures. Winter meets Spring, meshes in her new beginning.

And to take this "perpective on Spring" exercise further, I shot a few photos around our place to capture my view, mark this time. At first, I just wanted to note the snow in our yard through one of my favorite viewpoints, our back porch pane-less window frame. But then I thought about perspective yet again. I took a couple of photos and ran them through various Photoshop Actions  and/or tweaked the crop.....An exercise all in the name of perspective! One or two photos rendered from alternate views....

Things can get fun around here after my girl goes to bed, its all a matter of perspective!

photos at random...

My sweet old computer is tired, very tired. Crashing here and there deciding at points that it can no longer find its own hard-drive. She's old I guess for a laptop at least that's what I'm learning.  I talk to her, coax her and ask her ever so gently to let me please try and boot her, help her find her hard-drive one more time. And so far she has. But I am fairly sure it is time for me to consider looking for a new computer. Soon.

I have dreamed of traveling to Mac-land and leaving PC-ville. I'm not sure I can spend the big bucks for the sleek and sensual(yes I am talking about a computer) Macbook so I'm researching PCs too. I am going to do a little research this weekend and get moving. Hopefully, before my sweet, old and faithful desides to retire for good.

So for today, just a few random photos from the week. I did some great urban hiking this week with some wonderful women friends and forgot my camera each time. Oh well...that happens. In the meantime...

the neighbor's kitty comes to say hello

still life with crackers
or a little practice shooting indoors, trying to understand white balance just a little better.