katiemae_days

celebrating......

Today, celebrating eight years of marriage.

Eight years since I do, we will, we said.

Mountains in the distance, friends and family in the round. Our stories in between.

 

 

 

Happy Anniversary

colorado days.....

 

I'm using my dear dad's computer so I can post some pictures from our magnificent days in Colorado. No photoshop on his desktop which means no touch-ups for these few pictures. This set is from a couple of days of hiking just about twenty minutes or so from my parents. I took a lot of pictures of the clouds because they are magnificent. Everywhere I turn there is a painting in nature. Thunderclouds and rainstorms washing down from the sky. Wild geology abound on these magnificent rocks. And the flowers...beautiful, delicate, free to be from anyones pull. This is about just being in nature's presence taking it all in.

In case I've not yet made myself clear,I love Colorado and being hunkered down in the mountains, hiking or riding my bike... fast, camping eventually as we make our way home next week. Every time I sink into physical movement in nature I am reminded being out here is my meditation. What I love too, is this quiet time with my small family, the Papa and my girl. We've needed it. Time away from usual routine, from his demanding schedule as a fledgling in a new career. I want to take a piece of this time with us, tuck it away when schedules feel more chaotic perhaps. And as a reminder to get out more the three of us outside of summer. 

We've been away a couple of weeks and truth be told my mind has wondered and meandered to what is happening at home in the garden with our cat, our friends. We are incredibly fortunate to have our wonderful neighbor friends care for our greens and dear Sasha girl while we are away. I have thought also about work I need to do when I get home and then I remember to pull my mind back to center to where we are right now.

To be sunk down in these mountains is peacing whether that's a word or not I don't know but its the word that comes to mind to express how it feels for me to be here in these mountains...walking, hiking and biking. While I love where we live, there is something extraordinary about the Rockies. I love the feeling of walking just a few hundred yards on a trail and there I am smack dab in the midst of magnificent peaks and meadows. The biking here is equally beautiful as the hiking. There is great riding for road bike fans like me everywhere. Yesterday we rode twenty miles or so from Basalt, CO to Carbondale, CO on a path away from cars. I borrowed a bike from my parents that to this date is the lightest bike I've ever ridden and I pedaled hard. We rented a trail-a-bike for our girl and she pedaled the 20 like a champ with her grandparents, me and her Papa. There are paths good for kids where she can practice her two-wheelin safe from cars.

We're here a few more days then we head for our road trip home. I'm grateful for this delicious taste of a Colorado Summer.

six days on the road......

Well not six days actually. We've been away from home about a week so far with an actual three days on the road and the rest of the time we've been hunkered down visiting with my parents in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. The Papa took a class this last week down in Carbondale, Colorado at Solar Energy International. This has been a goal of his for years and finally he was able to attend a class specific for science teachers this past week on renewable energy. Being the multi-taskers that we are, we were able to tie in his course with a road trip to see my family.

I brought my laptop and camera and camera cable with grand plans of hooking into my dad's internet connection downloading photos and keeping up with my posts chock full of photos. Well, my old computer cannot access the network and I've no wireless connection. So while I have a plethora of photos taken from the car zooming at 70-plus miles per hour I'm not yet able to post any here. Yet. I think I'll preserve stories from the road for now until I can post a few photos. I am including one photo of my girl on her bike peddling around my parent's driveway before an afternoon storm came in. She moved up a size on her two-wheeler and is feeling mighty proud.

 

Since we've been at my parents, we have taken some good walks and hit the park. We've helped my parents with a few minor chores around the house that needed attention. Big rains here today which for now has postponed a trip to the pool and biking along the big path near town. But that's just fine. We have games and a piano. And my girl has discovered it. She plays away to her own tune singing songs she's writing in the moment or on the side.  I love seeing the thrill on her face when she is making music. Doesn't matter what it sounds like she's pure joy in the moment and she is bringing such joy right to the heart of her Bapa.

We're both having such fun sitting and making music. I am rediscovering my old piano skills and though I have long way to go to get my keyboard fingers back in shape, I love playing again.  As a kid, I took lessons for years right up through high school. Never practiced enough; in fact, I'd cram a week's worth of practicing in the hour after I got home from school and before I had to leave for piano class. I'd shrink as I walked into my lesson hoping my teacher wouldn't notice that I'd not practiced enough but she always did. And she let me know it, which sucked. I cried more than once in shame for not practicing enough. I never let it sink in that when I did practice, I played well and had fun. I played mostly classical and a little jazz and blues. What I loved most was playing boogie style blues and improvising with the notes I knew. I loved making my own sound.  Then and now.

My dad just dug out a book that's perfect for beginners which I consider myself now. I'm studying, relearning notes and finding my way to reach for a chord or two. I have dreams of being able to sit down with friends and jamming.

I'm glad to spend this time with my parents. With my Dad in particular who is nearing eight-five. He is healthy(knocking right now on every piece of wood around here), but his mind is changing. He is hard of hearing in one ear and deaf in the other but thankfully has a decent hearing aid which helps him hear somewhat with one ear. Talk softly into his ear and he can hear you.

My dad always a quiet gentle man is more quiet now. I like to be with him, helping him organize his office, walking, talking some and just being together. He knows his memory is not the same. He knows he needs to practice reading aloud to get words in his mouth. He knows he needs to be practicing the piano and reading complex articles. He know he needs to exercise his mind like with the diligence he exercises the rest of his muscle. He knows his mind is not the same because he tells me so.

When I am not here, we write each other daily telling of our day. I started doing this with my Dad last year when I noticed more change in his writing.  He is open always about how much he loves us his children and grandchildren and of course my mom. Never an hour goes by without him telling us how special we are to him.  My Dad is a brilliant man, a retired professor who taught post-graduate studies in foreign policy. He changed careers in his forties, got his Masters then PhD with at least six of the seven kids in our family at home all while working full-time. And though I was very young, I remember he was there to say goodnight. Yep, I feel grateful for my dad.

I know my Dad's mind is not the same but I also know he is here right now. I know we don't talk in as much detail as we once did but we talk and our connection has not changed. He is well. Aware. Loving. Present. To be here now with him is a gift.

meandering on a sunday

What you might know about me is that much of the time I like days that unfold without a roadmap or timepiece attached. Unplanned is often my preference. And yet, I plan. I definitely do and much of the time this is how I accomplish a gaggle of to dos on any given day. But my preference is to meander loosely while I accomplish.

Today was a lazy Sunday and whoa mama can lazy do a body good sometimes. I had plans of running an errand or two, weeding, starting to pack for our upcoming road trip but instead opted for much needed laziness and just hung out. After all, when I mentioned running errands to my girl, she the one who loves to write wrote me a note saying "I don't want to go to erins. She did not mean her friend Erin but rather errands of the other kind. I was easily swayed into believing I can run errands tomorrow.

Sometimes after a busy time like this week past, it sure feels good to do a whole lot of nothing. This morning after writing the note about not wanting to go to "erins", my girl asked if we could just stay home all day. Why not....after all, I needed a day hunkering down too.

And since this morning, she's been happily hanging out in her room listening to books on tape and making art. Just now she called me in to show me a few surprises. Tickled with herself for hiding art treasures around her room like face paints, water colors, beads and notes, she couldn't wait to show her mama. As she meanders and flies free through fields of art for while wearing only pajama pants sans shirt by this time of day does this mama heart good. She's beaming positively about having a day to herself too.

Today was the kind of day I would have stayed in my pajamas all day but alas I soaked my "Hello Kitty" pajama bottoms right along with my garden beds. My old t-shirt/pajama shirt stayed dry so thank the goddess of lazy Sundays II'm still wearing that.

Aside from a far from taxing chore or two, I have been tucked away right next door downloading photos, writing, surfing the internet to learn more about twitter and other web media and yes a little cleaning, folding laundry and food making. While not tending to my creative side as much as my girl today, accomplishing in small doses a few essential tasks feels good.

I did venture out to the yard a couple of other times other than the morning watering I already mentioned and then to weed a couple of beds in dire need of some attention and love. I've nearly finished my front bed  redesigns at least phase one and while for much of it I've not had a plan I'm sort of happy with the outcome. I will be happy to see my plants grow bigger, more full and take up more dirt space but I rather enjoy the  experimentation you know gardening stream of consciousness style.

I research enough to know what plants like full sun or part shade and I ask a gardening maven friend of mine for ideas and from there I let my imagination run wild within a budget of course. Putting my hands in dirt as I've written about more than once is healing, energizing and entirely satisfying to me. Seeing seedlings grow into beautiful blooms is still remarkable to me. Vegetable starts that grow into tasty eats is nourishing on a whole other level.

The more gardening I do, the more I learn and the more I'm inspired to do more. My garden is eclectic, abstract perhaps. I plant to take a risk sometimes and see what will grow. A good exercise for daily living I suppose.

And gardening, putting my hands in soil, staying quiet is my meditation. And good exercise for being in the here and now. Today was just that a day in the present, the now, the moment just being not forcing anything.

Thanks to my girl for inspiring us to just be on this Sunday.

what I'm loving....

With the end of the school year comes a wave of super busy days. School auctions, school tours,  kindergarten graduation and end-of-year party, me deciding to re-build and landscape a couple of garden beds in my yard, some very part-time work, playdates and fun in the sun. All good though I've not made much time for writing these days.
Still I know its important to stop and notice what I love.

pure free-flying imagination of two sweet girls at play in the garden

walking by our roses in bloom. the color and scent send me...

poppies..the texture, color, depth ...

and a two truck loads of 5-way planting mix for my garden project and our second raised vegetable bed. Lots of shoveling for this Mama this past weekend and it all felt so good. Once I've planted and designed my reconfigured beds I'll share the photos.

And finally for today, I'm loving...
More hot beautiful days here and we are fortunate to be able to go take a swim with some friends. Time to get off the computer.

happy birthday baby....

Today my baby turned six. My heart is full, amazed by how fast birth to six has flown. I can feel the nine months leading to my girl's birth, the thirty-two hour labor dance to her welcoming like it is yesterday. Years travel swiftly. So do the moments. Each one a gift.

The mama was up until two paving the way for the birthday fairy- a ribbon trail to lead my birthday girl to the start of our celebration..finishing homemade cards and birthday banners, a colorful stream of love and wishes...and keeping my fabulous sewing-skilled neighbor company as she put the finishing touches on a birthday bag just for my girl.

She woke up thrilled to be six. Joy illuminating across her face. A smile that dances right into our hearts. She dons a beautiful velvet cape and crown made by my sister friend and her girl. She listens to a birthday story and a short verse just for her. We celebrate with breakfast and lots of love showered on her from her Grandma and Grandpa visiting from afar. Watercolor painting, a visit to the park, tea on the deck.

Today, she tries six on for size. A new sass in her step. She dances her birthday dance. Spinning round, revealing the blur of time ...

A day in the spotlight, sometimes a lot for a new six year old. She takes time out just with mama for a special walk. We each take pictures of the beauty that surrounds us.

 

 

 

 

 

Today my girl is six. Full of gratitude this mama is. Amazed by this girl. Full of light, love. Bold is she. Her self. She is full of laughter, joy, strength, emotion. She feels big. More to say of course but this mama is rocking in her chair now taking it all in.

My girl she is six.

for the mamas....

"Calgon Take me Away..."  Does anyone remember that ad?  Well, it came reeling back to me a couple of nights ago, when I felt a little tapped. My resources had runneth...dry.  I was just having an afternoon. Feeling a little edgy in need of some space. The cure I know would have been some time in my garden but it was pouring and  though that's not stopped me before with a girl in the shower, dinner in need of being thought up and made and a papa none to well splayed out on the couch watching hockey, gardening wasn't in the plans. I felt like going out for the evening just to get away with myself but also not in the plans. After voicing aloud an "ugh, this Mama feels spent, depleted tonight", my girl gave me one giant hug and told me she loved me and yes, this helped. And then I poured myself one glass of wine, took a deep breath in and yes, that helped too.

This week, I've been thinking about balance, finding it, losing it, finding it again in the world of being a mama. My post on weeding has had me thinking... Weeds are like needs. One bed tended too, the other one..full of weeds again overgrown. 

Alas. This, I'm convinced is life. Mamas in my circle of dear friends are in a similar cycle this week it seems because  everywhere I turn, my women friends are feeling slightly overtapped. And mind you, no one is complaining really, rather just sharing their story with another Mama who is listening and sharing her stories right along side.

Mamas putting out there percentages well over 100 to their young ones, to their work whether at home or school or outside of home, to their relationships. And Papas, maybe putting out just the same but this post is dedicated for and to the mamas, with Mother's Day coming and all.

I am intrigued and want to continue to explore how we refuel ourselves. How we save some percentage of energy for renewal in ourselves. I am looking at how we reuse, recycle, repurpose ourselves. Thinking about mamaecology is quite a passion of mine. Hearing stories and trying to help a sister Mama simplify her issue at hand, or feel better in a particular moment, or help to take one something off of her plate on a given day is what I love, building community among one another. 

The Mamas I know, are dedicated completely to providing all that they can of themselves for their children, their work at hand, their relationships and I'll say this again no one is complaining. Venting but not complaining. And hey complaining is aloud now and again. Sometimes it feels good just to say a loud "Ugh! or Waaah!" and move on.

With the venting sometimes comes self-chastising for even speaking aloud our harder moments. Mamas I know including myself holding a measuring stick of expectations as high as the moon about what needs to get done, how well we are or are not parenting, how healthy the meal is on our table, how well we are doing whatever work is at hand, how clean our home is, how big our laundry pile may be getting. And in that venting exercise, not much about how well we are nourishing themselves. 

Selfish to be wondering how to nourish, replenish ourselves? Nope.There is something in telling our truths that can be liberating. Even for the opportunity to breathe. I notice sometimes, we shudder in saying aloud anything that can be connoted as a negative or dare i say a complaint. Perhaps we may even feel guilt for feeling tired, spent, tapped and more so for talking about it out loud. Because we love our children with all that we have, and are blessed for the opportunities that we have to be doing what we do, we hesitate to say what we feel or even feel what we feel in the harder moments. There may be some part of us that feels less than if we dare share that we may be struggling. I'm not generalizing, perhaps there are many who never feel an ounce of anything but joy and delight in all that they balance but in the circle of powerful Mamas I know, there are moments.

To share though with one another is freeing I believe. From sharing and letting ourselves pour out, we grow by millimeters...miles. From purging, we create room perhaps for letting new energy in.

Venting makes room for breathing again. Venting can bring perspective. Movement forward. Recognition of what is. Tapping in to what is real. The opportunity to remember ourselves and nourish ourselves so we can nourish who and what are in our life. We nourish to renew our faith in what we believe. In the belief in ourselves. We nourish so we regain our optimism and gratitude.

When we vent, we can still love and feel tremendous gratitude for who and what we have in our lives. We can perpetuate forward motion with all that we have. When we let out loud what we feel, another ear, another voice tuning in may offer help, a new perspective, a reminder of what we may have forgotten about ourselves.

Mamas, nourish yourselves. Breathe in. Remember to be good to yourself. Say aloud. Good Job Mama for getting breakfast on the table, lunch made. Or for curling up in your favorite chair and reading a book today. Good Job Mama for saying "No" to putting one more thing on your plate and taking time instead for yourself in your garden.

And now for some gratitude...for my own Mama for who has taught me strength, loyalty, discipline, for sharing her stories and her mama's stories that undoubtedly become a part of me. For my sisters who make me laugh. Hard. For the time to work on who I want to be as mama and all that that encompasses. For my girl who teaches me everyday patience, understanding and being in the moment. For  the opportunities to even think and ponder on these ideas. For an amazing circle of women I am blessed to be part of. For my garden, the one outside that awaits me and the one inside...me. 

Happy Mama's Day to all the magnificent Mamas in my world and in the greater world. I learn from each of you something new everyday.

Have a beautiful day.

beauty that is....

loving:

the light after a good hard rain

variation in color illuminated

sounds of laughter and joy on the move

three little ones running through the woods in search of eggs, eggs and more eggs

time organic, nothing planned

 this beautiful day spent with dear friends and family

children at play imagination alive

papas napping watching golf

morning, afternoon, evening woven, flowing

loving and grateful for what is..

the food we share

the ease we feel

just being

and letting each other be

nothing more, nothing less

just what is

yes

gratitude

sunshine daydream...

Ski day all day for me and my girl this past Friday. One of the many lovely points about my girl's school is we have no school every other Friday. Now that I the Mama am not working out of the house, these Fridays are dedicated as special days for me and my girl. We've gone to donate goods to a shelter south of us, head to the Childrens museum also South of us, baked and hunkered down at home and this last Friday due to the 35 inches of new snow up at the mountain, we skied!

The day was glorious as the sun was beaming strong, with not a cloud in the sky. Fridays mean discounted lift tickets for me so the day skiing is just a bit more economical. We skied and stopped and skied and stopped awe-struck by the magnificent views abound. The majestic peaks of the North Cascades rising to meet the sky accounted for many photo opps and "aw man aren't we so blessed to live here!" moments.

My girl leads the way down each run, so happy to be on skis. And I am getting my old Telemark legs back slowly, feeling like I can free my heel just a little more with every turn making me also very happy to be on skis now following my little one down the mountain.

We ran into her teachers coming off the chairlift and she was over the moon to say the least. I remember that feeling of seeing my teacher out of the classroom when I was a young girl. Teachers out of context become like rock stars and for my girl, the feeling was no different. She was star-struck for a few minutes and fell silent as she asborbed the moment of seeing her teachers on skis. We took a run and rode the chair up with them and by then she was in the talking spirit sharing her stories.

We skied until the lifts closed at 4, my girl by this time quite tired. We packed up, put in a book on tape and head home feeling peaceful and very grateful for this stellar day.

A magical day for sure, just she and I up in the beautiful hills. Feeling free and easy. I felt grateful for the sunshine, for the ability to get up to the mountain to ski, for the adventure with my girl and for the many magical moments of this day.

the weekend and what i love

Loving:

1. Tulips. For me, a sign that Spring is coming even if a couple of months away. For now though, Spring appears our dining room table.my favorite color.

2. Handmade cards, using what we have, scraps and paints and pastels, markers and crayons and seeing where freeing our creative minds and hearts goes

3. My girl in her tights and boots. oh yes, how I wished they made these in my size! But more, I love her free spirit mixing and matching to her hearts content. Free and Easy!

4. This picnic bench in our neighbor's yard. I just like it. Feels old and good to me.

5. Receiving a bounty of amazing crocheted hats for Warmth for Washington, thanks to the creative and giving hands of Mia over at Homespun Helpers

6. A completely relaxing Saturday. A walk to town with my girl to pick a special Valentine's chocolate, locally made, for her and one wee one for her Papa.

7. Family ski day! What a great day. Grateful I was to feel so in sync with the three of us riding the chair together and skiing down. The Papa is not always free from work to spend the whole day playing let alone skiing up at the mountain nearby. Hearing the laughter and joy from my girl as she blazed down the hill with her Papa and Mama in tow, yes this I love.

8. The mountains. Beauty to behold, stopping to just look at these majestic and grand peaks and all kids of gratitude about where we live.

9. My girl ready for the day. A full day of skiing ahead(and it proved to be). We skiied until the lifts closed!