I was a girl who grew up with the storybook version of marriage etched ever so elegantly in my mind. I remember the days gone by when my friends and I I would dream aloud of the boys we would some day marry. Where were they then we wondered? What could they be doing at that very moment we would ask ourselves aloud.
And then in high school, I remember thinking, "wait a minute," I'm not rushing into anything. Mind you, I wasn't being asked to run away to Vegas or anything but back then my posse of girl friends and I would talk about the fact that we were most definitely going to enjoy a few years of freedom after college. Well I did and then some.
Somewhere in my twenties, and I'm sure long before I'd listen to the ole tape recorder playing in my mind "you're supposed to get married, you're supposed to get married." And yet, I hadn't a clue if I really wanted to, what it would mean or if I'd ever meet someone I'd want to be with for THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Then at thirty, I met my match. Literally, the moment we met I caught a spark. A kinetic reaction plain and simple. We courted for seven years never quite ready to step up to the altar.
On September 15, 2001 we got hitched. Yesterday, we celebrated nine years being married! This year I get more than ever what marriage is on the inside and how it can stretch you to new horizons. This has been a year where we've grown leaps and bounds. In this year, we rode through rough patches the size of small islands. Rough patches that sprang up between seas of calm and ease.
The days that are more rough and rocky are not so fun. In those days, I would spin and wonder in circles looking for answers. But thankfully oh so thankfully, the darker days invite possibility for change.
With possibility, came opening and the willingness to knock down some fortress-size walls.
And breaking down those walls has been so crucial in letting out my heart to play. I used chisels and hammers to knock down old walls that went up long long ago for the purpose of protecting who I thought I was. How ironic that in all that protecting not only was I not letting my full self out but there was no room for anyone else to step in. How is it to truly be free in relationship when we dared not step foot into the wide open expanse between one another.
One of the biggest gifts this past year has been letting go of old wounds and stories and the spinning round and round and instead choosing to break free of the old ties that bind and create a new stand, a new place of compassion and vulnerability not only for his heart but for mine.
Marriage is work so many of us say. I choose to look at marriage much like a garden that sometimes gets a little weedy. As we tend to and nurture our space, we plant seeds of possibility and experience that mature into luscious plants that bloom and grow. In this space, there is commitment to keep gardening, tending, weeding, watering and loving.
For this beautiful garden my partner and I create, I am grateful.


